another loss

For the 3rd time in 4 months we have lost another family member, mourned the loss of another person we love. Richard was Eric’s step-dad and my father-in-law for “only” 6 years but for our daughters he was grandpa their whole lives. His body was ravaged by cancer which made his immune system weak and so allowed an infection to get in and take over. He was surrounded by his wife, his children and most of his grandchildren when he left us and headed to heaven.

So my girls attended their 2nd funeral and this one was very different from the last. Great-grandma Wanas was cremated and only had a small memorial service whereas Grandpa Richard had a viewing, rosary, church service, grave-site burial, and reception…a lot more events and a lot more explaining was necessary for the girls. At the viewing/rosary, we did let the girls see grandpa in the casket and say their goodbyes (because they asked too) but after most people had left…the hardest moment of that day was watching my little one sitting in her car seat holding a picture of grandpa just sobbing. That pretty much did me in and we all had a good long cry on the drive home. The next day at the grave-site my little one wanted to know “is this heaven mommy”? What I feel proudest of was that I was able to hold it together and explain each step of the process to my girls…I know they don’t understand everything that happened and that they’ll be asking lots more questions in the weeks to come BUT none of it was scary and they had all the information they needed in the moment, that’s the very best I could do as their mommy…I couldn’t take away the pain, couldn’t shed their tears for them, and couldn’t stop the reality that grandpa was gone forever (no matter how badly I would have like to have) but I could hold their hands and walk them through the mourning process. Thankfuly I didn’t do it alone, because we are so blessed with so much family when they were “tired” of me they could get comfort from many other people they love and trust. For awhile my littleone stood next to Uncle Ray, then was held and hugged by Uncle Scott, both girls spent some time in the arms of Grandma Sue & Grandpa Mark, ran around the cemetery with cousin D and so on and so on. In that moment I was once again reminded of how lucky and loved my girls (and I) are.

Those of you who read my blog regularly will remember that I wrote about wanting to burn my husband’s black suit so he won’t have to wear it any more…after the events of the last few days that resolve is only stronger and now my husband AND his mother are also on board and totally serious about setting that thing a blaze! So we are going to plan a BBQ & Suit Bonfire Party. It may sound crazy but I think it will be very cathartic to watch that suit go up in flames!!